That's what she said is so 2008

  • Me (complaining about my unsuccessful apartment hunt): THIS IS HARD
  • JS: as your mother noted
  • JS: you know, last evening.
  • Me: HAHAHA
  • Me: thumbs aloft

EIGHT MIIIIIIIIILE

  • Me (commenting on an Eminem-esque photo of AL on FB ): oh haaaaaaaay eminem in 8 mile
  • AL: And it's no movie, there's no mekhi pfifer! ... this is my life.
  • Me: i like that we can mindmeld like this over the internet.
  • AL: For serious. In olden times, one used to need like, a vulcan death grip for this kind of synchronicity.
  • Me: aaaahahaha PRECISELY.

Funeral Planning: Not For Your 80s Anymore!

  • TD (via twitter): Listen up kids, this is important. Should I die a premature death, get Ira Glass to read my eulogy. That is all.
  • Me (via chat): IRA GLASS WOULD MAKE UP THE BEST EULOGY!
  • TD: I KNOW! Also acceptable: Morgan Freeman, Kiefer Sutherland, James Earl Jones or that guy from the All State Commercials
  • Me: YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE GENIUS. SERIOUSLY, GENIUS.
  • Me: Will there be a dance party?
  • TD: YES! I want a giant party Weekend At Bernie's style
  • Me: hahaha AMAZING

In the post-myspace age

  • EW: I thought in the fucking post-myspace age people at least got like p-tags
  • EW: and that you can't just SAVE a word doc as HTML
  • Me: PREACH
I got 99 problems, and global warming is one.

EW, explaining the best way to use Jay-Z lyrics in a cover letter (specifically, to an environmental non-profit).

We have got to do better

  • EH: so my cubemate always talks about his GI bleed while i'm eating lunch
  • EH: its DISGUSTING
  • EH: and he took of work the other day to meet hulk hogan for the 4th time
  • Me: uh wut
  • Me: this guy NEEDS TO LOOK AT HIS LIFE
  • Me: LOOK AT HIS CHOICES
  • EH: more like i need to look at MY choices
  • Me: why? so you too can gross out people with your surgery and dubious tastes?
  • EH: because if butt bleeder with a poster of the 30 sickest wrestling finishes of all time in his cube can get this job saving peoples lives, i can do better

On the merits of the KFC Double Down

  • CR: yeah the double down is sick
  • Me: hahahah in a good way? or a bad way?
  • CR: well given my stomach
  • CR: it was fine
  • CR: but for most people
  • CR: probably instadiarrhea
  • Me: AMAZING

Christina Hendricks owns your life

  • Me: CHRISTINA HENDRICKS IS MY LIFE MODEL
  • Me: SHE'S MY INSPIRATION
  • Me: ALSO
  • Me: surprisingly married to the guy from super troopers who ate all the weed
  • TD: WHAT
  • TD: NO. FUCKING. WAY.
  • Me: yah THAT GUY
  • TD: god, he's one lucky bastard
  • Me: for real. luckiest bastard in the history of lucky bastards
  • Me: i think he has pulled a cuttlefish
  • TD: !!
  • TD: HE TOTALLY HAS
  • TD: BRAIN OVER BRAWN WINS AGAIN!! FUCK YOU NATURE!!!
  • Me: hahahahahahahahahaha
  • TD: I'm just sayin -- if Darwin was alive today to see that shit, he'd turn the HMS Beagle around and go fucking home
  • TD: it's like Revenge Of The Nerds in real life
  • Me: hahahahahahahahaha A+

Puppies are the answer. Puppies.

  • Me: When does she know how she did [on a hard licensing exam]?
  • Jay Sweetus: July or something
  • Me: yowza! you should get her a gift in advance
  • JS: if she passes we're going to get a puppy
  • JS: and if she doesn't
  • JS: we're gonna get 2 puppies
  • Me: HAHAHAH A+

We are the music makers; we are the dreamers of dreams.