Things That Can Go Shave Their Back Now: Delta Airlines
I’m going to preface this with a few facts about myself:
1. I detest traveling. I hate being displaced, but I am always happier when I’ve reached my destination. It’s akin to after childbirth - you hate your life during, but then after, your ladybrain releases all these hormones, essentially blacking you out and filling you with love for your newborn spawn. I don’t get the love part, but the excited screaming at the gate when your friends are waiting for you? That is pretty sweet.
2. I view flying as nothing more than glorified public transit. It’s pricey (like most public transit), crowded, cramped, and overall just draining. My friend MR insists that she loves flying because it is public transit — albeit with “elite status”. I don’t particularly get it, but whatever.
That being said, I’m not in the best mindset when I’m getting on a plane. I’ve long since stopped checking bags; in addition to being charged for putting my bag in the dregs of the plane, I lose time. George Clooney in Up In the Air says it best: “You know how much time you lose by checking in? 35 minutes a flight. I travel 270 days a year. That’s 157 hours. That makes seven days. You’re willing to throw away an entire week on that?” Obviously, I don’t travel that much, but it’s enough to where it begins to add up.
It seems that every flight I’ve been on in the last year — every single flight — has been oversold. Not to mention, everyone has stopped checking bags, so there is no room in the overhead bins. On a flight to DC last month, I watched a man spit so much vitriol at a stewardess over attempting to check his bag (that he claimed he’d managed to fit easily in a bin on his last flight) that I thought the poor woman was going to keel over.
So you’re in a situation where you’re crowded, you’re being nickeled and dimed, and all you wanna do is get from point A to point B. Add the inevitable delay, and you’ve got yourself a powder keg. I’m surprised passengers don’t try to take the plane hostage for all of the sheer inconveniences flying offers.
I know the flipside. I’ve seen the Louis CK bit about flying. He says we don’t appreciate technology and how easy it makes our lives. And it’s true; I fly across the country in five hours — this is a trip that used to take a year maybe two, oxen, every scrap of money you had, and all of your possessions. If playing Oregon Trail has taught us anything, it’s that even despite being super prepared, you still may get dystentery. So I get that it is a technological marvel that I get there and the only side effect is mild annoyance.
To me, it’s the principle of the thing. Don’t claim to give me “great customer service” and an “unparalleled” flying experience. It’s not true. You can save your apologies, because they’re just empty words. At least give me a drink voucher or something that makes me feel like yeah, there’s not much you can do in the situation, but you understand I’m upset.
The best flying experience I’ve had in the last year is Virgin America. Yeah, it looks like the inside of a club, but I’ve never felt upset or annoyed. The flights are on time and the staff is courteous. Too bad they don’t fly everywhere I want to go. They’re expanding, so I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.
To sum up: flying, she is the worst (but only in certain instances, AHEM, Delta).
