hot child in the city

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Derp derp
Ugh my life
Real talk
Eehee willful misrepresentation
Throwing shade
This beat is sick
I get the best emails

LOL

(Source: demonicrosebush, via natface)

The most amazing .gif ever made, featuring @trdunn and @jstoff, courtesy of @jstoff.

terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

There’s some trite saying about sometimes you’re the shark, and sometimes, the shark eats you. If not, I have just made up a passable platitude. Go me!

At any rate, yesterday I was being eaten by the shark that is my life. I had stopped for some coffee and my #1 vice, the asiago bagel. O, Asiago! Your cheesy goodness makes life worth it. Anyone who disagrees leads an empty life (I’m pretty sure).

I stop by the Starbucks near work (no, not the one in the GAS STATION, the real one that has BAGELS), and get mahself some breakfast, and speed off to work, as I’m fifteen minutes late by this time. As I’m getting out of the car, I think, Self, you are gonna be SO smart today! Put your keys and wallet in your purse, and get out to get them, woo hoo new day!

My muscle memory had different ideas. Specifically the idea of doing what I always do which is lock the door as soon as I get out of the car, because USUALLY THE KEYS ARE IN MY HANDS. I then closed the door, PER USUAL, and as it was closing, I thought, “Oh you dumb girl. Your keys are in the car still and the only thing you managed to salvage is your breakfast!”

Lucky for me, my co-worker has triple A. There has never been a better commercial for this service than my own stupidity.